remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
