ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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