Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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