: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
