Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
