mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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