i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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