Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
