6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
