At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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