I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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