I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
