Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
