and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
