roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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