my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
