i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
