Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
