just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
