We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
