WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
