she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
