no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
