One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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