good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
