I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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