I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
