I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
