OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
