This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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