im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
