Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
