Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
