I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
