peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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