I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
