The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
