Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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