I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
