nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
