He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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