You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
