I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
