We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
