ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
