You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
