with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
