I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
