shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are the jesus of drinking
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
