I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
