My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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