I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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