He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
